


Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away

by junior_writes



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Violence, I cried while writing this, M/M, No beta we die like SImon, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Temporary Character Death, i shall credit op in the notes, inspired by a tumblr post, its sad but i promise it gets better no worries, too soon?, written pre- AWTWB, yes it may hurt while you read it but i promise you it hurt me more when i wrote it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:34:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29355783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junior_writes/pseuds/junior_writes
Summary: I try to get Penelope’s attention and turn it towards Simon. She sees me then turns her head to where I’m pointing, and her eyes go wide.I look in Simon’s direction. He’s managed to knock out most of the ogres except one.One who’s currently holding him up by the neck, Simon’s face turning a hint of purple. The ogre takes a ragged blade to Simon’s abdomen, and at that moment, the world seems to stop.It was never supposed to end this way.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AroaceGenderfluidSheep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AroaceGenderfluidSheep/gifts).



> this was inspired by [this](https://aroace-genderfluid-sheep.tumblr.com/post/642598603685347328/aroace-genderfluid-sheep-i-have-a-theory-and-it) post on tumblr by AroaceGenderfluidSheep, so full creds to them. i absolutely loved the idea and i couldn't help but write something to follow it. be sure to check her out on [ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AroaceGenderfluidSheep) and [tumblr!](https://aroace-genderfluid-sheep.tumblr.com/)
> 
> i hope you all enjoy this <3
> 
> tw// some blood and gore, not too descriptive, but i digress

It was never supposed to end this way. 

It was supposed to be me who died in the end. 

I was supposed to die at the hand of Simon Snow. I would look him in those boring blue eyes as he drove his sword deeper into my chest. I would use my last bits of strength to kiss him for the first and final time and then use my final breath to proclaim my love for him. I would’ve died for the sake of the political war, for the sake of the Old Families. I would’ve died to ensure that Simon Snow could live. 

_ It was never supposed to end this way.  _

The emergency at Watford is indeed a war, but not between the Mage and the Old Families as we all thought it would’ve been. It’s a war between Mages and Dark Creatures. There are creatures everywhere, using their strength and weapons to barge through the Watford gates and try to wipe out any and every mage who gets in their way. Mages from every corner are throwing spells they never properly practiced because they never thought the World of Mages would get to this point. 

Penelope and I have been side by side, using spell after spell to deter the creatures from coming our way. We lost sight of Simon about fifteen minutes ago, when he forced me to spell him a sword and flew off to fight without even letting me put a protection spell on him. 

I’m frantically trying to look for him while simultaneously fighting off a goblin. I can’t find him up in the sky, so he must be fighting something up close. I give up on using my wand and simply grab the goblin at the side of his head and snapping his neck with superhuman strength. I’m breathing heavily as his body falls to the ground in front of me. I try not to use my vampire strength around many people, but desperate times and all that. 

Penelope has managed to ward off the basilisk that had been at her, freezing it into a block of ice. 

“Where’s Snow?” I call out to her. The chaos in our immediate area has calmed down just a bit, but we’re both still in battle mode. 

She looks at me with frantic eyes. “I don’t know!”

I look around Great Lawn for any sign of bronze curls or leathery wings when my attention is drawn to the Wavering Wood. There, right at the edge of the woods, I spot Simon fighting off a gang of ogres. 

I see Simon  _ losing  _ to a gang of ogres.

Simon is using his sword to push back two ogres, his wings flapping behind him to push away the one coming from behind. His tail wraps around one of the ogre’s legs, yanking him down to the ground. He looks truly beautiful in battle, but he’s being overpowered and clearly needs back up. 

I try to get Penelope’s attention and turn it towards Simon. She sees me then turns her head to where I’m pointing, and her eyes go wide. 

I look in Simon’s direction. He’s managed to knock out most of the ogres except one. 

One who’s currently holding him up by the neck, Simon’s face turning a hint of purple. The ogre takes a ragged blade to Simon’s abdomen, and at that moment, the world seems to stop. 

_ It was never supposed to end this way.  _

I hear Penelope let out a sob as she falls to her knees, tears already flowing down her face. I can hear my heart pumping in my ears as I watch the ogre twist the blade and yank it out, stabbing him repeatedly, Simon’s blood splattering on his face. The ogre drops Simon onto the ground like he’s nothing, and stomps away to where the rest of the battle is happening. 

I couldn’t care less about the battle right now, because the love of my life is currently lying on the ground after being brutally stabbed, and I just had to watch from one hundred metres away, my feet glued to the ground. 

I see the blood pooling on his shirt from here, and I can’t move, I can’t speak, I can’t  _ think.  _ I think back to Vegas, the desert. Simon laying on the sand with a wing bent the wrong way, and I thought I lost him but I didn’t. 

But now he’s been stabbed multiple times and he doesn’t have magic to protect him and I’m all the way across the lawn, and Penelope is on the ground sobbing, and someone has to do something,  _ anything,  _ because Simon is on the ground and he’s not getting back up. 

Tears falling down my face bring me back to earth. I take a shuddering breath and run towards him, faster than I normally would around mages, faster than anyone should know I can run, because Simon is on the ground and he’s  _ not getting back up. _

When I reach Simon, he’s pale. Paler than he’s ever been, paler than he ever should be. He’s almost as pale as me. I fall to my knees, my tears blurring my vision. There are already dark bruises forming around his neck, fresh claw marks lined with blood. His shirt is entirely soaked with his blood, and I can’t fucking focus because  _ Simon is on the ground  _ and his blood is flowing into the grass under him and the scent of cinnamon and butter and blood is burning my nostrils and making my gums itch. I take a deep breath and try to touch him, but I can’t bring myself to because I feel like if I touch him, no matter how lightly, I’ll hurt him even more than he’s already hurt and I don’t want to hurt him. 

“Simon…” I gasp, my hands shaking as they hover over him, unable to figure out where to hold him. I slide my arms under him carefully, pulling him to my chest in a bridal carry as I adjust to sit on the ground. I’m rocking him back and forth when I realize that I can’t hear his heartbeat. 

I can always hear his heartbeat, whether or not I’m actually trying. It’s always strong and fast, constantly reminding me that Simon Snow is so  _ alive,  _ he’s got my share of it. 

But now there’s nothing, just pure and utter silence. He’s still warm in my hands, because he’s always so,  _ so  _ warm, but he’s pale and his heart isn’t beating.

I’m rocking him back and forth on my lap, whispering sweet nothings and pushing his matted curls off his forehead, because Simon Snow is dead and I don’t know what to do, and there’s no one here to help me. 

Simon Snow is dead. 

_ It was never supposed to end this way.  _

Simon Snow is dead on my lap, his blood still flowing out of his wounds, his heart no longer beating. 

“Love, please,” I whisper into his ear, still holding him tighter than I’ve ever held him before. My tears seep into his shoulder.

_ Simon Snow _

_ You were the sun _

I kiss his forehead, because I haven’t kissed him enough. I’ve never held him like this. I haven’t had enough of a relationship with Simon Snow. 

I haven’t told him I love him.   
“Simon, please, come back to me,” I sob into his neck, lightly kissing him at his pulse point. “Please, I love you, come back.” 

It was never supposed to end this way. Simon was supposed to grow old, he was supposed to live a long and happy life, whether it was with me or without me. 

We were supposed to work through this rough patch. 

But Simon Snow is dead, and he’s never known how much I love him, because I’ve never told him, not in any way he’d understand at least. 

“Simon, love.”

_ You were the sun, and I was crashing into you. _

“Come back, sunshine. Please. Don’t go,” I whisper into his curls one more time, pleading to anyone who could possibly be listening. “ _ You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. _ ” I don’t know why I start singing (it’s not really singing, it’s more so whispering the lyrics). I just know that I need comfort, that Simon needs comfort, and I know that lullabies bring comfort. 

“ _ You make me happy when skies are grey.”  _

Simon’s body is starting to get colder in my hands, his body getting a bit greyer. I let out a wrecked sob, squeezing him tighter. 

“ _ You’ll never know dear, how much I love you.” _

He won’t know. Because I never told him. Because I was scared, because there were so many things in the way of me telling him, so many fears, and now Simon Snow has died without knowing that anyone has loved him the way I love him. 

“ _ Please don’t take my sunshine away.”  _

He’s so limp in my arms, unresponsive, not a breath coming from him. His heartbeat is gone, and the blood from his wounds has stopped flowing. My arms are covered in his blood, and I don’t  _ care,  _ because Simon Snow is dead and it feels like I have no reason to live now. 

“ **_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,_ ** ” I start singing again, because it’s the only thing I can think of doing. I run my fingers through Simon’s hair again. “ **_You make me happy when skies are grey._ ** ” I can feel the magic in my words, but it’s not going anywhere since I’m not holding my wand. ( I don’t even know where my wand is, actually. I might’ve dropped it when-)

“ **_You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you._ ** ” I feel my magic catch. I don’t know where, but it definitely has a grasp somewhere. I wipe the tears off my face, then gently turn Simon’s face towards me. His eyes are closed, and he looks so peaceful. 

I don’t think Simon’s ever had a peaceful night of sleep. He always sleeps with his eyebrows knit together, even his dreams tormenting him. 

I carefully lift his head towards mine, lightly pressing my lips to his. They’re so,  _ so cold.  _ Almost as cold as mine. I kiss him like I should’ve kissed him more often. I kiss him to make up for the time we didn’t spend kissing because we were too afraid of the thoughts going on in our heads. I kiss him for what is last time. 

“ **_Please don’t take my sunshine away._ ** **”** I break down, sobbing uncontrollably into his chest. I don’t know how long I sit here, sobbing onto Simon’s chest with his limp body on my lap. It could be minutes, hours, days,  _ months,  _ but I simply do not care, because Simon Snow is dead, and I couldn’t save him. 

I can no longer hear the chaos of the battle. I don’t know if my brain simply blocked it out or if they finally got the situation under control, but it’s utterly silent, a silence I’m not used to because I can usually hear everything. 

Tears continue to flow steadily down my face when I feel a hand petting the top of my head. 

“Don’t take him from me, please, not yet,” I cry, my grip on Simon becoming stronger. “I’m not ready to let him go.”

“Uh, I’m not going anywhere, but you’re sorta hurting me,” a rough voice speaks.  _ No,  _ I think to myself,  _ I did  _ not  _ just hear Simon’s voice.  _

_ Get a grip on yourself, Basilton, you’re starting to lose it.  _

“Uh, Baz, you think you could get off me, love? We’re kinda in an uncomfortable position,” his voice groans. 

I slowly start to sit up, pulling away from Simon. I’m shaking. I look up at him and find two beautiful blue eyes staring up at me, his face freckled and golden and no longer sporting the grey pallor it had a few minutes ago. 

“... Simon?” I whisper. Because it’s too good to be true. Because last I remember, Simon Snow was dead and I couldn’t hear his heartbeat. 

He smiles at me and nods, wrapping an arm around my neck to hold himself up. “I’m okay.”

“Merlin, you’re alive!” I practically squeal as I launch myself forward, crashing my face onto his in the same way he did to me that time in the forest. I kiss him deeply, and he kisses me back fiercely. We’ve never kissed like this before, but I suppose these are the kinds of kisses you share when one of you comes back from the dead. 

We break apart, breathless, our foreheads pressed together. “I… um- How?” is all I can muster to say. 

“Your magic, I think. With the lullaby. I felt it. I could feel myself drifting and it’s like your magic grabbed me and yanked me back.”

I laugh and kiss him again, not as feverous as before. 

“Um, Baz, not that I don’t want to keep on snogging you or anything, but do you think we could go to an infirmary? ‘Cause I don’t think I’m bleeding anymore but I’m pretty sure I still have open wounds, and my abdomen really hurts.” 

I’m snapped back to reality. “Oh, right, yes, of course.” I hoist him up bridal style, my arm secure under his wings and knees. 

“Wait, you don’t need to carry me, I’m sure I can walk-” Simon protests in my arms as I stand up. 

“Shut up, you. I just thought you died. I’m carrying you.” He laughs in defeat, his hands resting on my shoulders. 

“Oh, and Baz?” 

“Yes, love?” 

“I love you, too.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://junior-writes.tumblr.com/) !
> 
> let me know what you think! kudos and comments give me encouragement to keep writing :)


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